By Ricardo Tello – July 2025
“When becoming a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) you become an ex-sinner”
We are naturally attracted to love stories. To the energy that transforms two complete
strangers into lovers or to the craziness of finding love in the most unexpected places. Our
society expects us to be in love. Movies, music, books and mainstream media fill our worlds
with the idea that in order to be happy, we must be in a relationship. But what happens when
a relationship ends? And although this article is not about breakups, it is about the seemingly
eternal sadness and despair that society expects you to live in when you become an ex-
boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-husband/wife or even an ex-friend. However, little do we realize that
becoming an ex has become a very common experience for most people in our society in all
areas of our lives. Unlike individuals from decades ago who would spend their entire lives in
one career, one marriage, one religion, or one geographic area; people living in today’s world
tend to move in and out of many roles in the course of a lifetime, essentially becoming an ex
of every stage of life we leave behind. As I reflect upon all the exes I have become since my
incarceration, I constantly think about the one ex I will never be able to get rid of, the one title
I will have to carry upon my shoulders for my whole life. Being an ex-convict.
You see, I don’t feel like an ex. Although I have been many things in my life, many of
which I’ve been called a couple of times, I have never identified with one label in particular.
The thought of one day leaving prison and being identified as an ex-convict seems like a
terrible burden. That label often overshadows everything else. It’s a title that in the eyes of
society, can define you before you even get a chance to speak. But like a blade with its
double-edged sides, we can choose to see the glass as half-full or as half-empty. I have
chosen to embrace the idea of being an ex. Not only to empower myself, but to use this
incredible life experience to help others. You’re probably asking yourself, what could be
“incredible” about this (negatively understated) life experience? While incarcerated, my life is
primarily lived inside my head. The solitude has given me hours and days to meditate, reflect
and find my purpose. There are thousands of people around the world who pay thousands of
dollars to go on retreats or take meditation trips to “find themselves.” And although I have no
option, and I am forced to be here, it does not change the fact that I have an incredible
opportunity to learn, to grow and to do something amazing with my life. I want you to see that
becoming an ex, especially an ex-convict, should not feel like a burden, or the big red flag
people usually see when you try to get close. But rather, as the unique – once, and hopefully
only once – life event you get to live and experience.
I want you to take the good and the bad of every relationship and learn from it.
Including the relationship you are having with yourself while being in prison. Understand that
there is always happiness to be found in being any type of ex.